The Bad Poets’ Society

Despite lots of encouragement, and some late-night, red-wine-fuelled writing attempts, I have come to the realisation that I really do suck at poetry. But you know what? I am not disheartened. I am not going to feel sorry for myself.

Because I have decided to start up a club. [Perhaps just for this week, because I don’t like my chances of sustaining anything that I’m crap at.] A special society for  Bad Poets.

Why not?

I would like to officially open this club with a little poem.

Ahem….

[That wasn’t part of the poem btw]

Ode to Dots

When I stop thinking

I am nothing

Just a dot

That loves pink

Occasionally pulses

And in the morning

Needs coffee.

Well folks, that’s about as good as it gets.  Feel free to add your own poem, or a link to your blog if you’re one of those smarty-pants-poetry-is-second-nature-to-me types and want to make the society members jealous.

Bad poets around the world unite!!

X Lisa

ps. Can I be president please? Now that we’ve got a female PM down under, I think it only fitting.

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78 Comments

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78 responses to “The Bad Poets’ Society

  1. Did you remember to have the chocolate with the red wine? Chocolate makes it all better….

    Ode to Chocolate

    Chocolate childhood
    Adventures in milky cocoa
    My taste buds crave its smooth creaminess
    chocolate
    makes everything right again…

    ummm, yeah – this bad poet supports your exploration of poetry! Go you!

    • Well, obviously you’re not a bad poet, but welcome to the club anyway, kiddo, you can give us all something to aspire to.
      I love, really love, your chocolate poem.
      And you’re right; “chocolate makes it all better.”

  2. Oh my. I could go on for ages about how wonderful chocolate is! Haha.

    I think that this society is a great idea, Lisa.

    P.S. Your poem is intriguing. Keep at it!

    • Really? Intriguing? Alright then, I shall keep going. Thank you. I appreciate your support. I knew this club would prove a good idea.
      And a nice block of chocolate would perhaps inspire me to reach new bad poetic heights.

  3. Here’s to chocolate (and poetry)!

    Thick, sweet chocolate,
    a melted cocoa dream,
    flows like liquid lava
    over the juicy red terrain.
    Chocolate and strawberries-
    two sweet melodies entwined
    create a perfect symphony;
    a chocolate lover’s delight!

    Sorry, I was inspired by the mention of chocolate…and I LOVE chocolate covered strawberries….

    Keep at the poetry; I know when inspiration hits, you’ll come up with something magical!

    • Janna, I’m sorry to say this, but your poem is a bit too good for this club!! You can be one of our inspirational mentors if you like.
      Wow, your chocolate poem has really got me salivating!

      • Okay, you didn’t think my first try was bad enough to get me into the club. I’ve come up with something much better…uh, worse. How’s this:

        Strawberries are red,
        chocolate is brown.
        I can’t wait
        to gobble them down.

        C’mon, now. It can’t get much worse than this! Still stuck on chocolate strawberries. I must get some…

      • Welcome to the club Janna!!!! That poem was pretty bad, I must admit, in fact you just gave jpcabit a run for his money (he was ruling poet for a little while there).
        Make yourself at home, sweetie, have a glass of wine, or some more chocolate, and start composing…

  4. None of you are bad poets!!! But can I join! I love this idea. And I would love you to be president, Lisa, but only if you have red hair!

    • I’m quite prepared to dye it for you. How’s that? And I need a change. Sick of being blonde.
      You can be secretary if you like. Any good with money?

      • What? There’s money involved? To be in a bad poet’s society? And I thought poetry.com was bad…lol

      • Ah, I don’t think there’s any money to be made in this society. Although I will be supplying plenty of red wine.
        side note: as everyone probably knows, absinthe is the drink of choice for poets. I tried it last New Years Eve, believing it would open up creative portals in my brain. It didn’t, it drove star pickets and skewers deep inside my lobes overnight and come the following morning, I could barely remember my name. (Fortunately my friends remembered that and also where I lived.)

        Oscar Wilde summed it up best when he wrote:
        “After the first glass of absinthe you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.”

  5. Oh and here is a bad poem I’ve been avoiding because I don’t know what to do with it.

    I am never the same
    I am constantly changing
    Who am I, then?
    What thoughts and dreams
    Contribute to my being
    And give me life
    And movement
    Breath and song?
    Am I a social construct
    A steely part in the machine
    Or a product of someone’s imagination?
    Perhaps I’m nothing but a thought
    Flying on the wind
    Tossing, turning over and under
    Until I come to rest in the city
    Where someone connects me to an object
    A tangible entity with edges and lines
    That can be labeled a box
    But I am not a box

    • Sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but that poem isn’t bad. In fact it’s quite beautiful.
      But please still join the club. You can be another inspiration. And secretary, remember?
      Actually, I’m quite proud of the fact that I’m still the worst poet here!!
      I think I might have today, 12 July, as the official Bad Poets’ Day.
      This calls for a celebration. And what better way than to eat lots of chocolate.

    • I know what it is!!!!

      Oh wait…no I don’t.

      Oh wait, maybe I do! Is it a…?

      That’s actually not that bad a poem.

      • What has got me truly confused, and I suspect this would only happen to a non-poet, is how to tell bad poetry from the good stuff. It’s all a bit too subjective for me.
        btw, was that another poem you just composed?

      • No but I think anything is going here so…sure!

  6. Pingback: The Bad Poet’s Society « Writing. About writing

  7. Lua

    Haha Lisa I loved the idea but I’m going to have to break it to you- that poem isn’t bad, it actually made me smile and got stuck in my head 🙂
    The real bad poets (and I say this loud &proud) can’t even write poetry so I think it should have been me who started this club 😉

  8. One of my best girlfriends is a poet…and makes her living from poetry. Gets me every time!

  9. Okay, I’ll bite.

    THE INSOMNIAC
    I stare ahead,
    Dreaming unsleeping dreams of everything.
    Everything that’s been,
    Everthing that will be,
    Everything that might be,
    Everything.
    Unsleeping, I dream on,
    Clinging unwillingly to life-as-it-is,
    Wishing to put away my thoughts.
    Just for a cup of camomile tea,
    Just get some decent rest,
    Just to dream sleepingly.
    Insomnia.

    P.S. This is why I stayed up until eleven last night writing. I’d rather be writing than dream unsleepingly.

  10. You should totally be president. But I hate to disappoint you… I quite liked that poem. Now, I may be absolute crap as a reviewer, I don’t know – that’s your call – but seriously, I thought it was really nice :).

    • Emily, you are very sweet, but I can’t see much going for my little poem.

      I think we should ask cactuskaite to judge. 🙂 As in the post below she knows a real poet who actually earns money from it!!!!

      See kate’s post below for the link, because mine isn’t working.

      But thank you for letting me be president. 🙂

  11. Lisa, who says your poem was bad?? It was so simple, yet the cocept was so deep. I won’t even dare try to come up with a poem, crappy or not, in such a public forum. I just wanted to drop by to lend my support to your club :).

  12. MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

    Much ado about nothing
    Is always made
    About every little thing
    In the world.
    Que sera sera, people!
    I.E. Chill out!

    -j. p. cabit

    • Nope, sorry, I love it!! 🙂
      You’re not trying hard enough. What about…?

      What delicious joy my dog brings when he bounces, flounces, wounces by my side
      I like all forms of poetry except the ones where dogs do things that aren’t real words
      Like wounce.
      Woof@!

      Now, that my friend, is how it’s done. I’m thinking I might do a short course on writing poetry that stinks.

      • THAT IS AWESOME!!!!
        I am one-upped. I doff my cap.

        DOGGIES R’ FUN
        Doggies are fun
        Even when they’re not
        And poems are always true
        Except when they’re falsifications
        Like this one

      • Hah, you are a true master. In fact, I’m almost ready to give up my position as president of the Bad Poet’s society and offer it to you!!
        “Doggies R’ Fun” is going to go down in history as one of the finest example of poetry to frown over. I’m almost tempted to try and set it to music.

      • Actually wounce is actually a word, google it!!! And I think it describes your poem perfectly too.

      • OMG, you’re right about “wounce”. I googled it. It means when someone/something is…, wait for it….”bad”.
        That must have been done subconsciously.
        Wow.
        Welcome to the Wounce Poets’ Society.

  13. Lol. If its any consolation some poets just can’t write novels. But I like the idea of a bad poet’s society….haha. And the ode to dots isn’t bad at all, I’d like to read how it would end. 😀

    • Well, all dots are really endings in themselves, hence the popularity with finishing sentences with one.
      But I think I’d have to end that particular piece of bad poetry with something about sleep.
      83October, you’re one of those clever writers that can do poetry and prose!

  14. Okay…first off, whoever’s told you that you suck at poetry, is ..well.. WRONG! So you are disqualified from your own club, cuz you don’t suck at poetry!!
    That lil ode was the cutest thing ever!!!! 🙂 I LOVED IT!!!
    You know what… you should try the Sunday 160 thingie… writing a story/thought/whatever you feel in 160 characters!! It’s really amazing… and run by Monkey Man …check it out for rules, etc…it’s challenging and interesting!!!
    And don’t EVER stop writing those odes… I will be coming back for more… 😉

    • Well, you are just the sweetest person to ever visit this club. Thank you for the encouragement. Perhaps you should have read my dog poem though. It’s so bad you probably didn’t realise it was actually a poem!
      But I will definitely try the 160 thingy. I love a challenge.
      Thank you for the tip.
      X Lisa

      • Anytime, girl!! 🙂
        By the way, what’s the link to this Dog poem you’ve mentioned? Lemme decide the rest.. 😉

      • It’s somewhere in these comments. Hold on, I’ll cut and paste it….

        What delicious joy my dog brings when he bounces, flounces, wounces by my side
        I like all forms of poetry except the ones where dogs do things that aren’t real words
        Like wounce.
        Woof@!

        Pretty bad, huh?

  15. UMBRELLA AND RAIN

    I knew I should’ve brought it
    When I left the house in rain
    And it’s looking like a mushroom
    Except when it’s in Spain
    Cause it’s hot
    In Madrid
    And the sky
    Never spits
    In Japan they’re fairly common
    And in wetter nations moreso
    Like the Ukraine
    Where it rains
    On the plains
    Unlike Spain
    And the rain
    Goes down the drains
    On the gray
    Streets
    .

    • Oh, oh, I’m all in a bother, because I really can’t quite work out if this is bad, or brilliant. Any other, more experienced poets got an idea?
      Hmmmmm….?

  16. I love this poem milkfever! Bravo!

    Oh, you’ve inspired me. Let’s see…

    The brick fell
    in my stomach
    and i could tell
    of how it stops me
    this morning
    from doing anything
    worthwhile
    because there’s a lot that’s stuck
    underneath the weight
    but who can lift
    something that is inside
    and was put there
    by a bricklayer
    who likes to run away, and hide

    Bleh. Okay that just made me secretary of state of your club. 😉

    • Ollin, that is a bloody good poem!!!
      I’ve come to the realisation that some people are just born poets. You must be one of them. You will have to be one of the inspirations; one of the poets that make us jealous and want to try harder.
      🙂
      Seriously, that is a gorgeous poem!

      • Thanks milkfever! I’m flattered (although I still think it’s lame). Btw, I have a “lovely” award waiting for you at my blog. I thought I’d let you know. Congrats! 🙂

      • Oh, that is so sweet. In fact, “lovely” is the name of the town in my book. How amazing is that?
        I’ll pop right over now…
        🙂

  17. I’m a little late to the bad poetry party, but I was once a contest judge, and I must say that these entries all rock! (sorry, folks)

    You all think you stink up.
    But, you’re right on the brink of
    crap. 😉

    • And, by “rock” I mean they’re too good for a “bad poetry club,” of course~

    • Oh, Amanda, you aren’t fooling anyone. You’re just a honey, and very kind. But of course my poetry is bad, and don’t take this the wrong way, jpcabit, but yours sucks too!
      It’s just that we have too many people trying to be bad, and really, when it comes down to it, you have to be born with my kind of talent for writing bad poetry.
      Oh, and Jannawrites is terrible too. When she put her mind to it, she managed to write a stinker. Well done!

  18. Methinks this whole Bad Poetry thing ain’t working. lol

    • Don’t be disheartened, jp. Bad poetry is obviously harder to write than we thought. We now officially have three bad poets in the club. You, me and JannaT.
      [Oh, my, did I just write another poem!?]
      And we have no shortage of inspiring poets in the club, who don’t believe they are any good, but are, in fact, very good.
      That will just have to do for now.

      • Oh you’re so right, it is a sort of art form to itself! I think I feel another one coming on…

        THE NUMBER Q
        Oncethere was never ever a number
        And they called that number Q.
        Which stood for anything
        Because it was
        The proper thing to do.
        Algebra took a
        Shining to it whining kids it
        Tried to guess.
        What Q.
        Could do.
        Nothing came up
        Unincluding the grades
        Which fell and fell
        And fell and fell
        And fell and fell and fell and fell and fell
        And fell and fell.
        Til a higher was record it wasn’t never recorded
        That for grades
        Instead of A’s,
        the students all got Q’s!!!!
        No Answers,
        All Questions!!!!

        That was actually surprisingly clever…hmmm…I hope I don’t cost me my position as Sovereign Minister of International Affairs!

      • Oooh, you’re so close to losing your title, my friend. Look, I’ll let you off the hook, this time, because of your previous terribly bad poems. But, seriously, don’t write anything that good here again, or you’ll be relegated to one of the inspirations. And I’m sure you don’t want that?

        Be still
        AND
        think of shiny words
        that never rhyme
        cos they end in symbols@
        We all have them
        in
        our LIVES
        #a symbol
        even
        you
        Woo hoo$%

        X Lisa

      • I must atone for my sins…

        TIMELY REMARKS OH YES DEWRDER
        Timely remarks.
        Oh yes.
        Dewrder.

        Think bout it, folks. Deep.

      • Now you are just showing off, aren’t you?
        But secretly, deep down, I am in awe of your skill!

      • Even when I think about it (and I’ve squeezed my brain up tight with the effort) I still can’t get it. The deep bit? Come on, put me out of my misery.
        Is the last line, “Think bout it, folks. Deep.” part of the poem? Or not?
        How will I know if it’s wounce or not?

      • That’s up to you. You see (I’m making this up as I go along…), it depends. It says, deep, think about it. If you think about it, you will have to come to a conclusion…Is it part of the poem or not? Who’s to say that this comment isn’t part of the poem? Where does the poem end?

  19. I love the dot poem! It’s brevity reflects its subject.

    Lisa, I think most poets are certain they aren’t poets. 😉

    – Corra

    The Victorian Heroine

    • Really? I always imagined poets knew they were poets from birth, or shortly after, kind of like you know if you’re a boy or a girl. But I could be wrong about that.
      Thank you for your kind words about the dot poem.
      X Lisa

  20. I am seriously going to consider doing a “Bad Poetry” post. Because this is just too brilliant.

  21. Ugghh.. I couldn’t reply to your reply…
    But anyway, I found your dog poem extremely hilarious! 🙂 And funny poetry doesn’t necessarily mean bad poetry.. does it?
    I am no Poetry major.. but just thinking..

    And right now, my heart’s going thounce thounce thounce…
    That’s thump+bounce!!! 😉

    • I love “thounce”. you clever girl.
      Well done for inventing a new word. Although, maybe we should google it just in case. Because I thought wounce was mine, but it sadly wasn’t. [I’ll be back…]
      Ah, sorry but I think thounce is a word already. Weird, in another language. I couldn’t get as far as working out what it meant. But your definition suits it well. We’ll leave it there.

    • “Thounce” mystery solved. [see below]

      “Thsight near left me eyes when I seen her put thounce otay ithpot. ”

      Finnegans Wake by James Joyce

  22. Once again, lovely.
    You may have to admit defeat when it comes to writing bad poetry.

  23. Does this fill the entry requirements?

    The Bad Poetry Jam

    I think…
    I’m one bad mamajama
    I’d love to be a poetry slamma
    I’d love to be coola
    So cool I could school ya.
    I’ll keep rockin’ these rhymes like a gramma.

    Oooh, I like it. I’m gonna blog this one now.

  24. Pingback: The Bad Poet’s Society « This Limerick Called Life

  25. If I linked my blog, it would definitely not be because I have any poetry worth reading in there, I don’t even know how to start writing one. But maybe I should give it a try one day and see how good/bad I can get. In the meantime I’ll glad serve under you as VP of The Bad Poet’s Society if the post is still available 🙂

  26. dorian

    hey where did all the bad poets go? here’s one of mine:

    nero’s drunken blunder

    fiddle faddle here comes nero

    riding on a satyr named pirro

    he’s come for the spectacle

    dressed as an oracle

    mad as a hatter

    and spilling his wine

    ‘bring on the lions’!

    he declared

    before he got to his chair

    that’s how he met his end

    the lions slurped

    and then they burped

    and the christians smiled

    and drank the rest of his wine.

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