Despite lots of encouragement, and some late-night, red-wine-fuelled writing attempts, I have come to the realisation that I really do suck at poetry. But you know what? I am not disheartened. I am not going to feel sorry for myself.
Because I have decided to start up a club. [Perhaps just for this week, because I don’t like my chances of sustaining anything that I’m crap at.] A special society for Bad Poets.
Why not?
I would like to officially open this club with a little poem.
Ahem….
[That wasn’t part of the poem btw]
Ode to Dots
When I stop thinking
I am nothing
Just a dot
That loves pink
Occasionally pulses
And in the morning
Needs coffee.
Well folks, that’s about as good as it gets. Feel free to add your own poem, or a link to your blog if you’re one of those smarty-pants-poetry-is-second-nature-to-me types and want to make the society members jealous.
Bad poets around the world unite!!
X Lisa
ps. Can I be president please? Now that we’ve got a female PM down under, I think it only fitting.
Milk Fever Blog 
Did you remember to have the chocolate with the red wine? Chocolate makes it all better….
Ode to Chocolate
Chocolate childhood
Adventures in milky cocoa
My taste buds crave its smooth creaminess
chocolate
makes everything right again…
ummm, yeah – this bad poet supports your exploration of poetry! Go you!
Well, obviously you’re not a bad poet, but welcome to the club anyway, kiddo, you can give us all something to aspire to.
I love, really love, your chocolate poem.
And you’re right; “chocolate makes it all better.”
Oh my. I could go on for ages about how wonderful chocolate is! Haha.
I think that this society is a great idea, Lisa.
P.S. Your poem is intriguing. Keep at it!
Really? Intriguing? Alright then, I shall keep going. Thank you. I appreciate your support. I knew this club would prove a good idea.
And a nice block of chocolate would perhaps inspire me to reach new bad poetic heights.
Here’s to chocolate (and poetry)!
Thick, sweet chocolate,
a melted cocoa dream,
flows like liquid lava
over the juicy red terrain.
Chocolate and strawberries-
two sweet melodies entwined
create a perfect symphony;
a chocolate lover’s delight!
Sorry, I was inspired by the mention of chocolate…and I LOVE chocolate covered strawberries….
Keep at the poetry; I know when inspiration hits, you’ll come up with something magical!
Janna, I’m sorry to say this, but your poem is a bit too good for this club!! You can be one of our inspirational mentors if you like.
Wow, your chocolate poem has really got me salivating!
Okay, you didn’t think my first try was bad enough to get me into the club. I’ve come up with something much better…uh, worse. How’s this:
Strawberries are red,
chocolate is brown.
I can’t wait
to gobble them down.
C’mon, now. It can’t get much worse than this! Still stuck on chocolate strawberries. I must get some…
Welcome to the club Janna!!!! That poem was pretty bad, I must admit, in fact you just gave jpcabit a run for his money (he was ruling poet for a little while there).
Make yourself at home, sweetie, have a glass of wine, or some more chocolate, and start composing…
None of you are bad poets!!! But can I join! I love this idea. And I would love you to be president, Lisa, but only if you have red hair!
I’m quite prepared to dye it for you. How’s that? And I need a change. Sick of being blonde.
You can be secretary if you like. Any good with money?
What? There’s money involved? To be in a bad poet’s society? And I thought poetry.com was bad…lol
Ah, I don’t think there’s any money to be made in this society. Although I will be supplying plenty of red wine.
side note: as everyone probably knows, absinthe is the drink of choice for poets. I tried it last New Years Eve, believing it would open up creative portals in my brain. It didn’t, it drove star pickets and skewers deep inside my lobes overnight and come the following morning, I could barely remember my name. (Fortunately my friends remembered that and also where I lived.)
Oscar Wilde summed it up best when he wrote:
“After the first glass of absinthe you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.”
Oh and here is a bad poem I’ve been avoiding because I don’t know what to do with it.
I am never the same
I am constantly changing
Who am I, then?
What thoughts and dreams
Contribute to my being
And give me life
And movement
Breath and song?
Am I a social construct
A steely part in the machine
Or a product of someone’s imagination?
Perhaps I’m nothing but a thought
Flying on the wind
Tossing, turning over and under
Until I come to rest in the city
Where someone connects me to an object
A tangible entity with edges and lines
That can be labeled a box
But I am not a box
Sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but that poem isn’t bad. In fact it’s quite beautiful.
But please still join the club. You can be another inspiration. And secretary, remember?
Actually, I’m quite proud of the fact that I’m still the worst poet here!!
I think I might have today, 12 July, as the official Bad Poets’ Day.
This calls for a celebration. And what better way than to eat lots of chocolate.
I know what it is!!!!
Oh wait…no I don’t.
Oh wait, maybe I do! Is it a…?
That’s actually not that bad a poem.
What has got me truly confused, and I suspect this would only happen to a non-poet, is how to tell bad poetry from the good stuff. It’s all a bit too subjective for me.
btw, was that another poem you just composed?
No but I think anything is going here so…sure!
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Haha Lisa I loved the idea but I’m going to have to break it to you- that poem isn’t bad, it actually made me smile and got stuck in my head 🙂
The real bad poets (and I say this loud &proud) can’t even write poetry so I think it should have been me who started this club 😉
We still have a position for vice-president? 🙂
One of my best girlfriends is a poet…and makes her living from poetry. Gets me every time!
I forgot to leave a link: http://cactuskaite.blogspot.com/2010/03/glovebox-girls.html
Thanks Kate. I’m off for a visit.
A poet, and making money? She most certainly can’t join the club. But we might have her as a guest speaker one day. Do you think she’d accept?
Okay, I’ll bite.
THE INSOMNIAC
I stare ahead,
Dreaming unsleeping dreams of everything.
Everything that’s been,
Everthing that will be,
Everything that might be,
Everything.
Unsleeping, I dream on,
Clinging unwillingly to life-as-it-is,
Wishing to put away my thoughts.
Just for a cup of camomile tea,
Just get some decent rest,
Just to dream sleepingly.
Insomnia.
P.S. This is why I stayed up until eleven last night writing. I’d rather be writing than dream unsleepingly.
Now that sounds absinthe-inspired! But still too good, my friend. Way too bloody good!
Wow, and I don’t even drink.
Thanks. 🙂 Perhaps I can try again…(check below comment…)
You should totally be president. But I hate to disappoint you… I quite liked that poem. Now, I may be absolute crap as a reviewer, I don’t know – that’s your call – but seriously, I thought it was really nice :).
Emily, you are very sweet, but I can’t see much going for my little poem.
I think we should ask cactuskaite to judge. 🙂 As in the post below she knows a real poet who actually earns money from it!!!!
See kate’s post below for the link, because mine isn’t working.
But thank you for letting me be president. 🙂
I dont have a problem with Lisa being president. Have at it, Cowgirl. As long as I can be sovereign minister of international affairs? 🙂
You’ve got it buddy, whatever your clever little poet heart desires.
Lisa, who says your poem was bad?? It was so simple, yet the cocept was so deep. I won’t even dare try to come up with a poem, crappy or not, in such a public forum. I just wanted to drop by to lend my support to your club :).
Thanks Hema P. I think you are one of the clever poets, and we welcome your support, and encouragement.
MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
Much ado about nothing
Is always made
About every little thing
In the world.
Que sera sera, people!
I.E. Chill out!
-j. p. cabit
Nope, sorry, I love it!! 🙂
You’re not trying hard enough. What about…?
What delicious joy my dog brings when he bounces, flounces, wounces by my side
I like all forms of poetry except the ones where dogs do things that aren’t real words
Like wounce.
Woof@!
Now, that my friend, is how it’s done. I’m thinking I might do a short course on writing poetry that stinks.
THAT IS AWESOME!!!!
I am one-upped. I doff my cap.
DOGGIES R’ FUN
Doggies are fun
Even when they’re not
And poems are always true
Except when they’re falsifications
Like this one
Hah, you are a true master. In fact, I’m almost ready to give up my position as president of the Bad Poet’s society and offer it to you!!
“Doggies R’ Fun” is going to go down in history as one of the finest example of poetry to frown over. I’m almost tempted to try and set it to music.
Actually wounce is actually a word, google it!!! And I think it describes your poem perfectly too.
OMG, you’re right about “wounce”. I googled it. It means when someone/something is…, wait for it….”bad”.
That must have been done subconsciously.
Wow.
Welcome to the Wounce Poets’ Society.
Lol. If its any consolation some poets just can’t write novels. But I like the idea of a bad poet’s society….haha. And the ode to dots isn’t bad at all, I’d like to read how it would end. 😀
Well, all dots are really endings in themselves, hence the popularity with finishing sentences with one.
But I think I’d have to end that particular piece of bad poetry with something about sleep.
83October, you’re one of those clever writers that can do poetry and prose!
Okay…first off, whoever’s told you that you suck at poetry, is ..well.. WRONG! So you are disqualified from your own club, cuz you don’t suck at poetry!!
That lil ode was the cutest thing ever!!!! 🙂 I LOVED IT!!!
You know what… you should try the Sunday 160 thingie… writing a story/thought/whatever you feel in 160 characters!! It’s really amazing… and run by Monkey Man …check it out for rules, etc…it’s challenging and interesting!!!
And don’t EVER stop writing those odes… I will be coming back for more… 😉
Well, you are just the sweetest person to ever visit this club. Thank you for the encouragement. Perhaps you should have read my dog poem though. It’s so bad you probably didn’t realise it was actually a poem!
But I will definitely try the 160 thingy. I love a challenge.
Thank you for the tip.
X Lisa
Anytime, girl!! 🙂
By the way, what’s the link to this Dog poem you’ve mentioned? Lemme decide the rest.. 😉
It’s somewhere in these comments. Hold on, I’ll cut and paste it….
What delicious joy my dog brings when he bounces, flounces, wounces by my side
I like all forms of poetry except the ones where dogs do things that aren’t real words
Like wounce.
Woof@!
Pretty bad, huh?
UMBRELLA AND RAIN
I knew I should’ve brought it
When I left the house in rain
And it’s looking like a mushroom
Except when it’s in Spain
Cause it’s hot
In Madrid
And the sky
Never spits
In Japan they’re fairly common
And in wetter nations moreso
Like the Ukraine
Where it rains
On the plains
Unlike Spain
And the rain
Goes down the drains
On the gray
Streets
.
Oh, oh, I’m all in a bother, because I really can’t quite work out if this is bad, or brilliant. Any other, more experienced poets got an idea?
Hmmmmm….?
I love this poem milkfever! Bravo!
Oh, you’ve inspired me. Let’s see…
The brick fell
in my stomach
and i could tell
of how it stops me
this morning
from doing anything
worthwhile
because there’s a lot that’s stuck
underneath the weight
but who can lift
something that is inside
and was put there
by a bricklayer
who likes to run away, and hide
Bleh. Okay that just made me secretary of state of your club. 😉
Ollin, that is a bloody good poem!!!
I’ve come to the realisation that some people are just born poets. You must be one of them. You will have to be one of the inspirations; one of the poets that make us jealous and want to try harder.
🙂
Seriously, that is a gorgeous poem!
Thanks milkfever! I’m flattered (although I still think it’s lame). Btw, I have a “lovely” award waiting for you at my blog. I thought I’d let you know. Congrats! 🙂
Oh, that is so sweet. In fact, “lovely” is the name of the town in my book. How amazing is that?
I’ll pop right over now…
🙂
I’m a little late to the bad poetry party, but I was once a contest judge, and I must say that these entries all rock! (sorry, folks)
You all think you stink up.
But, you’re right on the brink of
crap. 😉
And, by “rock” I mean they’re too good for a “bad poetry club,” of course~
Oh, Amanda, you aren’t fooling anyone. You’re just a honey, and very kind. But of course my poetry is bad, and don’t take this the wrong way, jpcabit, but yours sucks too!
It’s just that we have too many people trying to be bad, and really, when it comes down to it, you have to be born with my kind of talent for writing bad poetry.
Oh, and Jannawrites is terrible too. When she put her mind to it, she managed to write a stinker. Well done!
Methinks this whole Bad Poetry thing ain’t working. lol
Don’t be disheartened, jp. Bad poetry is obviously harder to write than we thought. We now officially have three bad poets in the club. You, me and JannaT.
[Oh, my, did I just write another poem!?]
And we have no shortage of inspiring poets in the club, who don’t believe they are any good, but are, in fact, very good.
That will just have to do for now.
Oh you’re so right, it is a sort of art form to itself! I think I feel another one coming on…
THE NUMBER Q
Oncethere was never ever a number
And they called that number Q.
Which stood for anything
Because it was
The proper thing to do.
Algebra took a
Shining to it whining kids it
Tried to guess.
What Q.
Could do.
Nothing came up
Unincluding the grades
Which fell and fell
And fell and fell
And fell and fell and fell and fell and fell
And fell and fell.
Til a higher was record it wasn’t never recorded
That for grades
Instead of A’s,
the students all got Q’s!!!!
No Answers,
All Questions!!!!
That was actually surprisingly clever…hmmm…I hope I don’t cost me my position as Sovereign Minister of International Affairs!
Oooh, you’re so close to losing your title, my friend. Look, I’ll let you off the hook, this time, because of your previous terribly bad poems. But, seriously, don’t write anything that good here again, or you’ll be relegated to one of the inspirations. And I’m sure you don’t want that?
Be still
AND
think of shiny words
that never rhyme
cos they end in symbols@
We all have them
in
our LIVES
#a symbol
even
you
Woo hoo$%
X Lisa
I must atone for my sins…
TIMELY REMARKS OH YES DEWRDER
Timely remarks.
Oh yes.
Dewrder.
Think bout it, folks. Deep.
Now you are just showing off, aren’t you?
But secretly, deep down, I am in awe of your skill!
Even when I think about it (and I’ve squeezed my brain up tight with the effort) I still can’t get it. The deep bit? Come on, put me out of my misery.
Is the last line, “Think bout it, folks. Deep.” part of the poem? Or not?
How will I know if it’s wounce or not?
That’s up to you. You see (I’m making this up as I go along…), it depends. It says, deep, think about it. If you think about it, you will have to come to a conclusion…Is it part of the poem or not? Who’s to say that this comment isn’t part of the poem? Where does the poem end?
I love the dot poem! It’s brevity reflects its subject.
Lisa, I think most poets are certain they aren’t poets. 😉
– Corra
The Victorian Heroine
Really? I always imagined poets knew they were poets from birth, or shortly after, kind of like you know if you’re a boy or a girl. But I could be wrong about that.
Thank you for your kind words about the dot poem.
X Lisa
I am seriously going to consider doing a “Bad Poetry” post. Because this is just too brilliant.
Yes, you simply must do a “Bad Poetry” post!!
Ugghh.. I couldn’t reply to your reply…
But anyway, I found your dog poem extremely hilarious! 🙂 And funny poetry doesn’t necessarily mean bad poetry.. does it?
I am no Poetry major.. but just thinking..
And right now, my heart’s going thounce thounce thounce…
That’s thump+bounce!!! 😉
I love “thounce”. you clever girl.
Well done for inventing a new word. Although, maybe we should google it just in case. Because I thought wounce was mine, but it sadly wasn’t. [I’ll be back…]
Ah, sorry but I think thounce is a word already. Weird, in another language. I couldn’t get as far as working out what it meant. But your definition suits it well. We’ll leave it there.
Yea…let’s just leave it there… besides, you said it meant something in another language… so, it’s ok..
“Thounce” mystery solved. [see below]
“Thsight near left me eyes when I seen her put thounce otay ithpot. ”
Finnegans Wake by James Joyce
Once again, lovely.
You may have to admit defeat when it comes to writing bad poetry.
Does this fill the entry requirements?
The Bad Poetry Jam
I think…
I’m one bad mamajama
I’d love to be a poetry slamma
I’d love to be coola
So cool I could school ya.
I’ll keep rockin’ these rhymes like a gramma.
Oooh, I like it. I’m gonna blog this one now.
Welcome to the club, sweetie!!!!!
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If I linked my blog, it would definitely not be because I have any poetry worth reading in there, I don’t even know how to start writing one. But maybe I should give it a try one day and see how good/bad I can get. In the meantime I’ll glad serve under you as VP of The Bad Poet’s Society if the post is still available 🙂
The position is yours if you want it sweetie. But you must show me some of your poetry.
hey where did all the bad poets go? here’s one of mine:
nero’s drunken blunder
fiddle faddle here comes nero
riding on a satyr named pirro
he’s come for the spectacle
dressed as an oracle
mad as a hatter
and spilling his wine
‘bring on the lions’!
he declared
before he got to his chair
that’s how he met his end
the lions slurped
and then they burped
and the christians smiled
and drank the rest of his wine.