bad poets

This is the home of the BAD POETS SOCIETY

Anyone is welcome to join as long as you’re crap at poetry.

Simply post your words below and await judgment.

Writing bad poetry is harder that you might imagine!!

Here are some fantastic examples to get you started:

Strawberries are red,
chocolate is brown.
I can’t wait
to gobble them down.

by JannaT

DOGGIES R’ FUN
Doggies are fun
Even when they’re not
And poems are always true
Except when they’re falsifications
Like this one

From our sovereign minister of international affairs, jpCabit

Be still
AND
think of shiny words
that never rhyme
cos they end in symbols@
We all have them
in
our LIVES
#a symbol
even
you
Woo hoo$%

And this one from yours truly. Yep, pretty bad, huh?

The following poem is the most brilliantly bad poem of all time. Beginners should study it carefully. Notice how the poet pulls back from the brink of excellence and veers off into excessive repetition, hauling the poem away from the precipice of wonderful and plunging it deeply into the pool of terrible at the very last moment.

This man has a rare and scary talent. Take it away, jpcabit

ISLAND OF DREA,S

I sail overseas in my boat, boat, boat
Hoping for my boat to float, float, float, float, float, float
Over the frosty water.

To the island of drea,s
To where al drea,ers go
When they shut #their eyes shut
In the sun, in the rain, in the snow, snow, snow, snpw
The island of drea,s
Take me to the island of drea,s.

The island of drea,s
We have all drea,ed about
Where the trees are as tall
As the natives are as stout
As the tree stumps, stumps, stumps, stumps, stumps
Armed with arrows that are covered with featheries
Their warpaint is bright and their skin is leatheries
The island of drea,s
Is where I want to go
On my vacation, vacation, vacation, vacation, vacation, vacation
Vacation, vacation, vacation, vacation, vaccination, vacation, vacation
Vacation, vacation, vocation, vacation, brotwurst, vacation
Vacation, vacation
The island of drea,s, drea,s, drea,s, drea,s,
This is tedious, tedious
But can only be thought=up
On the island of drea,s, drea,s, drea,s, drea,s, drea,s, drea,s, drea,s, drea,s, drea,s, drea,s, drea,s, drea,s

Many people have wished to go there
On a moonlight night by boat boat boat
But they can only have a ticket
That allows them to be there
Till the break of broken daylight.

Drea, on…
Drea, on, islanders,
Drea, on.

WOUNCE!! is all I can say, my friend. Wounce.

Here’s another little gem for all the Bad Poetry fans out there. This one’s from Paula.

Does anyone know what I’m doing here?
I keep a diary, to make it clear.
What I’ve done in the past is my history,
What I’m doing NOW, is a mystery!.

49 responses to “bad poets

  1. What a brilliant idea. If I were a more envious person, I’d be envious that you had such a great idea!

    HOW I MISS YOU, MY LOVE
    A poem that is NOT about the poet missing his love.
    Brilliance
    Is not measured by what
    We
    Can think a
    Bout. Penny-candy.
    But what can
    Think about us. Lorentz Ovarébeeya.
    And no more
    Than what is necessary to what we need to unknow?
    Unknowingly, I know
    That I am brilliant.
    Chalk and strawberry milk.
    A lion sleeps.
    *

    • You’ve done it again, my friend. A poem that is veering off the bad path into the unintentional (is it?) land of brilliance.
      But still worthy of the hall of fame.
      Perhaps you are setting new standards of badness.
      You’re a poetry pioneer.
      You’ll be googleable, and a wiki-wonder-kind in know time.

      • Oh, and thank you for clearing up what the poem was not about before you started it. you know I read secret meanings into everything.
        Perhaps all bad poetry needs a little intro to explain what it is not.

      • Well, it is also not a haiku, an epic, or a limerick.

        I’m rather pleased that you included my Island of Drea,s on your wall. Perhaps some day you, a published author(ess?) will be able to give me an endorsement…?

        I didn’t think it was brilliant at all, except for perhaps its excellence in badness.

      • It takes dewrder to launch into the scary, murky black waters of poetical wouncery.

  2. Pingback: Let’s Hear it for Bad Poetry! « j. p. cabit

  3. What say a Bad Poet’s award, eh Lisa? I’ll draw it up.

  4. Pingback: An Awapd « j. p. cabit

  5. I already have two poems up but I don’t want to neglect my position as S.M.I.A. so…

    A Poem of Epic Proportions.
    Fail.
    Epic fail.
    Epical fail.
    Failing epically.
    Or fail.
    Fail.
    How many ways can I say epic.
    Failness.
    Failing epical.
    Failing epic.
    The failed epic.
    Epic of fails.
    Fail.
    Dewrder.
    Epicking fail.
    The fail of epic.
    The operatic fall of an epic fail.
    Failness of epics.
    Epics of failing.
    An epic of failing proportions.
    Fail.

  6. OOOOOH! I’m joining this community. Bad poetry is all I’ve ever done, and I’m a very good (oxymoronic – emphasis on moronic!) bad poet. I have so many! Read my WEbook called “Odes to the Everyday.” Here’s the link:

    http://www.webook.com/project/Odes-to-the-Everyday

    There are some good ones on there, but you’ll notice they weren’t penned by me. 😀

  7. Hey lisa, why isn’t your doggies poem up there? 😦

  8. “prophecy of the victim”
    -i don’t know is this bad enough….I doubt it…but I was told
    it sucks …enough….mmmmmm.”

    a pile of dog shit
    lies in wait
    for some unlucky bastard
    to step in it.

    the hot sun beating the pink dress
    left last night
    in a frenzy astray
    on the sidewalk
    melts away…

  9. Hi, I take it this is the bad poets support group?

    I have a problem. Since I’ve started work on Dewrder, I’ve written about 40 poems. And it’s a little bit scary…I’ve actually churned out a couple good ones. At times, it seems like I am leaving the land of Bad, and sailing into…gasp…mediocre!!! 😦

    Please, somebody tell me this is bad!

    THE BOY IN THE BLUE PAJAMAS
    I am the boy in the blue pajamas
    The one standing just outside your window
    The other night.

    I was the one who blew the vuvuzela
    Who caused such a stir
    The other night.

    I was the one who hot-wired your car.

    I was the one who untied your dog.

    I was the one who tipped over your outhouse.

    I was the one who egged your house,
    Painted my name on your window,
    Made such a stir they called the police,

    Yes,
    I confess,
    I AM THE BOY IN THE BLUE PAJAMAS.

    • Wow, that’s a tough call. I think without the word, “vuvuzela”, which clunks somewhat, this poem could be very good.
      But don’t be disheartened. Could I suggest the following for the last line:

      I AM THE BOY, THE BOY, THE BOY, BOY, IN THE BLUE – nylon itches around the crotch sometimes – PAJAMAS.

      Does that help?

    • this is hilarious imagery! I can’t say whether it is bad or good…more like….getting there…you know what I mean? I wish not to despair your dreams of bad poetry bliss….

    • Thank you both for giving me hope.

      I think this poem could use a couple edits and be on its way to being bad.

      Hmm…some things to think about…

      BTW: Progress on Book: 74 Pages, 51 poems. I’m posting progress on the book on my twitter feed, if you’re interested in Dewrder’s progress!

      • Now, here’s a little known fact [could actually be a very well known fact]; when everything falls into place effortlessly, when we suddenly have a lot of energy and enthusiasm for a task, it’s a sign from the universe that we’re heading in the right direction. A cosmically grand thumbs-up if you will.
        So, JP, I feel that this DEWRDER project is very propitious. Prepare for major success, my friend, prepare to be a celebrity overnight.
        I will follow your progress on twitter but keep us updated here too occasionally. Don’t forget the little people/poets either.

      • The little known fact that could be a well-known fact…there’s a poem in there somewhere. Write it. lol

        Yes, this DEWRDER project is looking pretty up. More on it in my comment a couple down.

    • Where…? I mean apart from above, sideways and below?
      I had to sign up to twitter to follow you. Sniff. It’s okay, I’m one of your biggest fans, so I suppose some sacrifices are necessary.

      • It’s okay about the twitter thing. I didn’t sign up for twitter for the longest time. Hey, I’m not even on facebook! (Becoming the Lingua Franca of the social world…if I don’t join, looks like I will soon become socially irrelevant!) But that’s fine, do what you think best. I respect your decision to stay off the Twittersphere. 🙂

        I’ll keep y’all posted. 😀 Thanks for your “Prophecy!” This project is really coming together. Hopefully I’ll have the manuscript completed by the middle of January. Overnight success (LORD willing), here I come!

        I am really hoping that this will help me get my foot in the door, publishing-wise. This way if it works out, I can actually claim to be published when I query for my novel. The publishing world has been really hard for me to get into…I’m not even there yet. A poem book seems like a good way “In.”

        My, that was a long little comment! But those are the stuff of blogs, eh what?

      • Oh, and that’s a link I posted two comments ago.

    • I’m pretty sure that this DEWRDER project could be the “in” you’re searching for. I’m certainly feeling optimistic about it.
      But perhaps you should go a step further and start up a website/separate blog dedicated to this special art form. That way when you approach the publisher with your brilliant/bad book, you’ll already have established a market for the genre. What do you think?

  10. Can poetry ever be
    Really and truly
    Very bad?
    If I had
    Known
    (Groan)
    I wouldn’t be here
    Nor shed a tear
    Or wonder ever
    And I mean never
    If poetry
    can ever really be
    bad.
    Wish I had. Not.
    Very, very, very bad. (really, I mean it)

    • That one’s going to be a classic, Paula. They’ll study it in bad poetry classes along with the master, JP.

      • I would be SOOOO honored to be considered in even his same category, much less be studied by the same serious students as those getting their Ph.D. in Cabitry.

      • Hmm. I leave for a few days, and come back to find this.

        Me think my reputation is getting a wee bit inflated. lol XD

        This poem is epically awesome, Paula. Notice your pristine attention to neglect of meter and rhythm, as well as your stressed rhymes. It comes to a crashing end, like a train wreck, in a self-doubting, apprehensive, appending half-rhyme. Good work!!

      • Oh, and make sure this poem gets added to the records of excellency!!! 🙂 Paula, you appear to be doing an admirable job forsaking your true poetic talent, and are on your way to being truly terrible.

    • Can I put this up on Excellence in Bad?

      • Addendum: Would you mind putting it up? Since you’re a contributer.

        Wow, I just made four posts in a row. :-s

      • Sorry, J.P. I just found this comment thread – don’t know how I missed it! Anyway, I will be happy to post it, or you can, as the only way I could do it is as a comment! Or is that what yo u want?
        I just don’t know
        what 2 do.
        Should I post it
        Or should you?
        In the great scheme of the vast universe
        Is my worrying about such things perverse?
        But since apparently I judge my worth
        by my poetry, how on earth
        Could it be perverth
        To make my worry univerthal?
        It could be better, but it could be worth – I’ll
        (get help – I need a nurth.)

      • Oh oh oh, Paula, be careful, you’re treading on thin ice here with this somewhat good poem!!!!!! 😀 I believe you would just write it up as a post. Go to excellenceinbad.wordpress.com/wp-admin and try and make a post. Cause you’re a contributer.

  11. Hey! We need to post the Bad Poetry on this site to Excellence in Bad- increase our readership, and maybe get more bad poets! Whaddaya say?

    That rhymed, by the way. So did that, Hey!
    Help! Help! I say!. . . . .
    N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Wowsers, I just had to tighten my trousers, these were so funny they made my nose runny, now I’m rubbing my tummy cos it’s time for dinner but I’m following this blog cos it’s a chicken dinner winner winner! Ouch, I think I just did myself an injury……

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